I think I’m feeling it. When my mom found out, I thought I hated you. I got in trouble. I lost her trust. But today I sat there and I realized tomorrow you will be gone, and ill be here, regretting I didn’t sneak out to see you. Today, me and mom had a conversation and she told me that when she was 17.5 she also dated a 25 year old so she cant be mad that I’m hanging out with one. She also said that life is weird, and that sometimes no one my own age can make me feel what someone not my age can. She was brutally honest and she told me that she knows how 17 year old boys fuck, and she said that a 25 year old would make love to me not make sex. She also told me that when our families were having dinner last night, something felt right. And I miss you. I dont know. I know in nine months, it won’t feel like the pull of gravity is nothing compared to the force that pulls me towards you. It’s weird that its not a sexual thing or a crush kinda feeling. It’s not what I felt for Kelly, and I loved Kelly. Its like when we talk, none of the tricksters can get me. Like we stop the universe from imploding when we kiss. Like if we stop talking, and look at each other, time stops ticking. That’s it I guess. I wish you all the luck in the world. I just miss you. Already.
I’m stuck between wanting:
1. A long lasting relationship with my soulmate who supports me and protects me and is my partner and we are completely bad ass together and in love
2. Wanting to have casual sex and rip out the heart of everyone person I meet
3. Being independent and having a loyal dog while I’m married to my career
Have you ever just looked at someone and thought, “I really love you”. They’re just talking or humming or watching a movie or reading a book or laughing or something, and there’s something about them in that moment that makes you think, “I just really love you”